You don’t want to know! 

Does anyone blog anymore?  It seems so out of fashion that perhaps it’s time to get back into it? 

I’m tired of winter and Spring Fever is starting to set in.  I need to start running again because I’m feeling huge but it’s still too cold. 

Maybe I’ll do a real post and fill you all in on the continuing nightmare that is my life.

Summer Wrap-Up

Hi everyone.  I’m a stranger to you all now, I know that.  Get over it hooker-bitches!  I have this glorious four day weekend  since I needed to use up some more of my vacation time so I’m home today.  I ended up cleaning some of the kid’s closets and clothing drawers and…oh lord….where did I go wrong?  It’s just crushing…heartbreaking.  All this time I thought I was instilling good habits regarding putting things away, folding things, making sure that everything has it’s place.  I discovered what I had long suspected…all this time I’ve been talking to deaf people.  Dirty clothes balled up and shoved under furniture or back into drawers, clean clothes knocked off hangers and left to sit on closet floors.  I was nearly in tears seeing that my gay neatness sensibilities will never be transferred onto any of my children.  I’m a failure.  But hey, we’ve all known that for a loooooong time now so why dwell, right?  Anyway, I’m sitting here enjoying a grilled chicken and rosemary/dill potato salad I made while the washer hums away in the other room and, since I can’t take anymore heartache today, I figured it might be a good opportunity to shock everyone senseless by putting up a post. 

Would you like to hear how my summer went?  In one word I’d sum it all up as “HELLISH!”  Oh it didn’t start out that way.  No sirree!  May was delightful with the pool opened up and “Poolside Cocktail Season 10:   Return to Elegance” in full-swing.  Cookouts were happening with regularity and much merriment was taking place here at the Casa.  June came upon us and the heat began to set in.  This summer was hellishly hot and humid.  Not just a day here and a day there like a typical Cleveland summer.  No, this was days upon days and week upon week of 90 plus temps and drenching humidity.  Yes, yes, yes, I lived in the South and I know all about heat and humidity but, and I can’t explain this, I honestly believe it’s worse up here in the summer.  I don’t know if it’s a psychological thing or what but it was awful.  Okay, here’s maybe why I feel this way.  We spend a good five to six months of winter trapped inside of our homes here.  When spring and summer finally get here, everyone including me wants to be out in the sunshine and warmth.  But then you get this heat and humidity that is unbearable and  uncomfortable.  Nobody wants to be out in it and you end up back indoors, all the doors and windows shut and the a/c running .  It’s honestly no different than mid-January at that point.  Understand?  Actually I think I just accurately summed up why I loathe that kind of heat and humidity up here.  Despite all of this, we soldiered on with our summer…until the late afternoon of June 27 when Mother Nature unleashed her fury upon Casa del Retardo and the surrounding community.  That day, the Queen Mother of all storms blew through here with no warning whatsoever.  I only remember the infamous July 4, 1969 storm here and another one back in 1992 that I could even compare to how scary this thing was.  Keep in mind, we are surrounded by huge old trees here.  Well, the winds were up easily over 70 mph, the rain was coming down sideways, you couldn’t even see the houses across the street.  The lightning was constant and dangerously close, kids were sitting on the kitchen floor in tears and I was certain the roof was going to blow off.  The power kept flickering but luckily stayed on and then….BAAAMMMM!  Lightning and thunder so close I actually screamed involuntarily.  We still don’t know where it hit exactly but it had to be super close.  Finally as things started calming down, the neighborhood began to emerge from their homes to devastation.  Trees and tree limbs were down everywhere, wires were hanging loose and lying on the ground.  Half of the street lost their power and didn’t get it back for 3 days.  We were the first house after that half that still had power but apparently when it all went out, the electricity shot back through the lines directly into our house and we experienced a major power surge.  Major to the tune of over $13,000 in losses and damage.  All of our tv’s, dvd players, clocks, multiple outlets, our landscape lighting, the pool lights, the pool pump, the 3 year old furnace (which never gave us anything but trouble anyway so maybe that was a good thing it got fried), too much to mention!  Our entire electrical panel is going to be completely redone because the electrician deemed it a fire hazard after taking the surge.  That panel is the last thing that still needs to be done along with some of the other electrical repairs that they will take care of when they do the panel.  Yes, 3 mos. later and we’re still picking up the pieces.  Of course State Farm Insurance just dragged their heels on all of this….we finally got our last reimbursement check from them just last week.  After 22 years of using that company and never having had a problem with them in the past, I was so disgusted with the treatment I got this time that when my policy expires in Nov., I’m most likely going to go with someone else.  They already raised my deductible after this disaster happened and sent a letter stating that my rates will most likely be “changing” which translates to  “we’re going to get our money back from you!!!”.  I hate insurance companies.  So this nightmare pretty much put a damper on the entire rest of the summer.  Our electric has been screwed up massively (Ron suspects a “dead short” somewhere) and because the a/c still worked but only on the low speed, as hot as it was we had to keep it on and it rarely ever shut off because it couldn’t keep up with the heat.  I was paying $300 and over electric bills all summer.  Fun!

Besides that ruining the summer, we did have some fun.  Went down to North Carolina to visit the old neighbors for five days around July 4th.  Then we got a fantastic discount on tickets so we splurged and took the kids to Cedar Point for a day.  I was surprised that they actually rode some of the roller coasters but then they’d chicken out on something far more tame.  Made no sense but whatevs.  Needless to say, the day we went, it was hotter than grits on a griddle and the crowds were massive but nonetheless, we had a good time. You’d never know there was a recession going on when you’re standing amidst 50,000 people who all paid 45 bucks to get in and seem to pay no mind to $5 small cokes and $12 crappy hamburgers.  I don’t get it.  And of course you are held hostage to buying their overpriced garbage because no outside food is allowed in the park and the one place you can leave a cooler or picnic basket is about as inaccessible as the moon. 

Probably the biggest and most exciting thing to happen in the last how many months only occurred last week.  Out of anger and hopelessness, Ron started blindly sending out resumes to a babillion places he had already applied to over the last few years and voila…within an hour one of those places called!  They setup an interview with him for Friday morning and by the time he left there that day, he had a job which he started this morning!!!  I about cried tears of joy when he called and told me!  FINALLY!!!  After all this time we were going to have 2 incomes in this house again!  What a huge relief!  Even better was that it didn’t mean having to move to some hellhole like California or Florida or New Jersey because the company he is working for is located in Canton.  Now Canton is hardly local but at least it’s within commuting distance and is still basically part of the NE Ohio megalopolis sprawl.  In other words you can drive there from Cleveland, through Akron and onto Canton and never really leave the city or suburbs the entire way.  I think he said he used the trip odometer and it was like 55 miles each way…something like that.  It won’t be fun come winter but it’s a job.  So where does that leave me?  I have no intention of  leaving Auschwitz for the time being.  His new job is paying 30k less than the last one he had so, although we will be more comfortable, we aren’t going to be in a place where I don’t need to work.  (Although after having Friday and today off and getting so much accomplished, wow, I could really get used to being a househusband!)  Eventually we will most likely say goodbye to Casa del Retardo and move out of the city, probably down around Medina which is basically an “exurb” these days but still far more rural than where we are now.  The calibre of people are better and the schools are excellent, we have always loved that area.  Moving there would double my commute to about 30 miles each way but it would greatly lessen Ron’s so it would be a compromise.  We’d still come out ahead though since neither of us likes being in the city.  For the heck of it, we drove down yesterday and looked at a house.  Just over 3,000 sq. ft. of living space on 3/4 of an acre and only asking $149,000!!!!!  Okay so it was a foreclosure and needed a new roof but even so, the inside was move-in ready.  I would have wanted to gut the kitchen almost immediately  but other than that, it’s amazing what an additional 700 sq. ft. over what we have now can make such a difference!  Of course, it was just wishful looking for now.  We have to sell the Casa first before we can move and with the onset of Autumn, well, you can’t sell a house with an inground pool when the pool is covered.  We’d have to wait till spring to prove that it’s fully functional and all the mechanicals are in operating condition (although anyone can see everything is new just by looking).  I still have projects to complete before we could move so I need the winter to do all of those. 

Oh geez….I just got off the phone with the husband and they are already sending him to China on October 9 until the 27th (I think).  The roller coaster ride begins already!  I guess I should get back to my laundry and cleaning.  How was your summer?

Breathing New Life Into an Old Corpse…

is really hard!

Hey hookers!  I’m alive!  Poolside Cocktail Season has kicked off.  I have all sorts of exciting updates to share but never any time.  I hate Auschwitz and I ain’t talkin’ bout the one in Europe neither!  I have to laugh at all of the people who still come here on a daily basis…I mean geez!  It’s been MONTHS since I put anything up here.  I actually forgot my password to get back on here for awhile.  Anyhowsen-whosen, I have no time as usual but I’ll leave you with this frightening mental image – I was feeling fat so I have recently taken up running.  Now if you want to see an ugly sight, go watch me huffing and puffing…nay…gasping for air as I jog like a retarded old man around the track at the local college.  It’s not a glamorous, not even a pretty, sight.  Yet I’ve somehow managed to convince my friend Alison to join me.  I’m up to 2 3/4 miles already and it’s only been a little over two weeks.  Okay, gotta give the hubby back his computer.  Mine’s been dead for over a month and my neighbor said he knew someone who “might” be able to fix it so I just keep waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.  My guess is that it’s not going to happen.  I’m learning to live without it though and I am getting a LOT more done in real life.  Talk to ya’ll soon.

I Don’t Feel Like Doing This But….

I did say I would check in on occasion and since I have a few peaceful moments here this afternoon, I guess now is as good a time as any.  So…how is everyone doing?  I’m okay I guess.  Nothing much has really changed in my life and I can honestly say that quitting the blog was probably the best thing I could have done for myself this year.  I don’t miss it in the least.  I don’t miss that nagging feeling that I have to make a post or wondering when I’ll get the chance to make a post….none of it.  I only miss the comments and hearing from people.  That’s it as far as blogging goes.  Sometimes I now wonder where I ever found the time to do it in the first place! 

My beloved and trusty laptop went into the repair shop exactly four weeks ago today and I have yet to get it back.  The screen began to flicker and started fading to white…a common occurrence with laptops of a certain age (mine is 4 yrs. old now)…and since I love it and it’s like a comfortable old friend, I decided to pay the 180 dollars to get it fixed rather than just get a new one.  So I’m on the kid’s computer these days and I don’t like it.  Windows XP was the best windows program out there and I have failed to understand why they had to go and mess with it so much.  The kids have Windows Vista on this thing and I despise it.  Ron has Windows 7 on his and he doesn’t like it either.   I should have had mine back a week ago but they were sent the wrong part…so typical.

Ron finished all of his traveling at the beginning of the month and we have yet to hear if he will be doing any more.  These people (the Sacramento company) were flakes when we originally dealt with them and now that all the shows are over and they got their use out of Ron, they appear to be returning to their flakey ways again.  It’s so sad really because Ron ended up liking them and the company and was excited about the prospect of working for them on a permanent basis.  Now…who knows?  The next big trip would be to China and the industry usually starts heading over there in late Feb. through March so they may still call and ask if he wants to go.  He sent them an email about it last week and has yet to get a response.  At this point though, I don’t think either one of us is holding our breath.  This is the story of our lives…nothing has changed in what will be 4 yrs. now in April.  Why should I expect that it will now? 

Don’t even get me started on my job at Auschwitz.  Suffice to say, I have never hated the place more than I do right now.  When I had to change my hours to accomodate Ron’s travels, they locked me into them and told me I couldn’t change back.  Now I have these hours that there is no reason for me to be keeping and I hate them so much.  Whatever.  I don’t feel like getting my blood boiling over that place on my day off.

Winter’s nearing it’s end around here.  In my mind at least.  I like to believe that spring begins with March since that’s when the temperatures around here finally start to climb out of the frigid digits.   Honestly, with all the talk of snowstorms and inclement weather in the east this winter, I have to say that we have lucked out on a massive scale here.  Yeah, we’ve had our snow, there’s probably still close to a foot on the ground (although it’s melting fast), but it has been nowhere near as apocalyptic as what Washington DC and points to the south and east of here have gotten.  Then again, we are far more used to lousy winters so maybe they’re just a bunch of wussies who like to think it’s the end of the world.   Believe me, I still hate winter but sometime in the last month something inside me just kind of “clicked” and I adopted my pre-North Carolina mindset about this season…that being, “You can’t do anything about it so embrace it.”  I know…I’m ill.  Then again, it’s probably my acceptance that life has defeated me.  I’ve kind of adopted that mindset about everything these days.

Well, my sister just called and I need to call her back.   After THREE and a HALF YEARS on the market, her house finally sold so we are supposed to help her move stuff this weekend.  I’ll be back in a month or two.  Till then, hasta lavista.

The Latest

from everyones favorite scary tranny.

Hey Hookers!

Remember me?  No?  That’s okay.  You aren’t missing much.

What’s new with you?


Hi.  I hope everyone had a good Christmas.  Mine was actually excellent. Despite all of the work and dinner for 32 people, once that food was out on the table, the hard part was done and the rest of the day was a blast.  Everyone had such a great time and many people lingered on until well past 9 at night (it all started around 1 pm).  We got lots of compliments again on how we throw such a wonderful party and how we really know how to do it up, etc. etc.  It was so nice to see lots of family I don’t get to see except once a year.  The house was just filled with so much love and joy and laughter.  After the horrible year we have had (as have so many, many others!), I couldn’t think of a better way to see it all out.  No, it’s not New Year’s yet, but it’s pretty darn close.   The rest of the holiday weekend was peaceful and relaxing.  Ron took us all out to dinner at our new favorite restaurant down in Tremont, The Prosperity Social Club.  It’s pure “Old Cleveland”…a former steelworkers bar dating back to the 1920’s that is now a hip and trendy restaurant/bar.  It’s just the coolest place around and we love the vintage atmosphere since it reminds both of us so much of the kinds of places that were in abundance in this city back when we were both growing up.  They left the place exactly as it was…all the walls are paneled in rich wood, the windows are the original casement windows, all the Xmas decorations are vintage dating back to the 40’s and 50’s, and the people working there are so nice.  Of course it helps that we know some of them, but even so, the new one’s we’ve met are super.  On Sunday, I dropped the husband at the airport and he was off to Atlanta where he’ll be till the 8th.   This constant travel has only been going for about a month but it’s really taking it’s toll on me.  Still, I will not complain.  It’s finally a job and it’s not as if anyone else has come calling for him.  Maybe now we can attempt to crawl out of the hole we have found ourselves in.  Anyhow, if you are my friend on the facebooks, there are all sorts of photos on there or linked on my page that you can peruse if you’d like.   I tried to copy some on here but it didn’t seem to work so sorry.

Well, as you know, I’ve wrestled on and off with the idea of quitting this blog for quite some time now.  About a month or two back, I finally made my final decision and that was that I would stop at the end of this year.  I’m old, tired, worn out, used up.  I have no interesting stories left to tell.  I really only told Roxita about this because I figured I’d try to get used to the idea of not doing this and, surprisingly, it was much easier than I had thought.  It’s already gotten to the point that I feel obligated to make a post (like this one…I didn’t even feel like doing it) and I dread it.  This is not at all what I started blogging for.  The fun is gone.  The thrill is gone.  The audience is, for the most part, gone.  The life I had when I started this is gone…replaced by depression and struggle.  I’m not stupid…I know you all think I’m a whiney baby about how bad I have it and how I should realize other people have it worse….well, you really don’t know shit about what we’ve been through…mainly because I have held back far more than you will EVER know.  So there.  Don’t judge me, you really don’t have all the facts. 

Back when I started all this, four and a half years ago, it was exhilerating.  I loved the idea of having this anonymous forum to tell the stories of my life to an audience of strangers.  And then the strangers commented on what I wrote!  How outrageously cool was that!  Me!  The retarded, outcast, weirdo throughout my whole life suddenly had this ever-growing throng of readers out there, laughing at my stories, laughing at me, my bizarre experiences, my weird humor.  It became like a drug for me and I was addicted to the attention.  But then, and I don’t know how or why it happened, but my once huge (like probably Tornword/Sticky Crows huge!) following just started abandoning the blog in droves.  Hundreds upon hundreds of hits per day, 20-plus comments per post…it all just dried up.  Until we got  to where we are now, a shadow of the former “success” I once was on here.  I should have done what Sarah Jessica Parker did with Sex and the City when she quit at the peak of it in order to go out on top. But nope, I was too addicted to the attention and I kept going to the point that I now get about 8 or 10 hits per day, usually less, ofen far less.  Yes, I know some of you would be thrilled for what I get on here, but it’s a big comedown for me considering what I once had here.  That makes it more difficult I think.  And for the longest time, it drove me crazy.  Now, though, I’m okay with it.  I guess I’ve made peace with all of it and I can let it go and not be bothered.  My life and my stories are all real and part of me, part of those of you who have loyally followed all of it through the years too, and I no longer need this written account of any of it. 

With all of that said, let me say that I am not taking the blog down.  At least not right now.  Eventually it may just one day disappear but for the time being, I’ll leave it here.  I’m not even saying that I will never blog again.  I very well may surprise you and just turn up without warning and put up a post and then just disappear again for awhile.  Actually, I almost like that idea the most because I know full well that once I am gone, I will quickly drop off the radar and be forgotten by even the diehards and, once again, I am totally okay with that.  I would love to go back to being the anonymous person who started doing this all those years ago, the person nobody knew anything about.  It got much harder to write honestly when you all started to actually know me, I mean really know me.  In real-life, we are extremely private people.  This blog is about as open as I have ever been with outsiders.  I only hope you enjoyed the glimpse into my life or at least got some kind of entertainment value out of it all.

I think the thing I’ll miss most are the people I truly feel have become friends to me.  I know that once I “disappear” and don’t comment  regularly, that friendship will fade…it’s happened many times in the past few years, but those people that came in and out of my blog life all contributed to it and to me in some special way.  I would love to keep in touch with anyone that wants to do the same but I know most of you won’t and that’s fine.  Everyone’s so busy these days trying to survive, me among them.  I’ve managed to distance myself from so many of you already just by not having the time to read and comment on your blogs.  It’s kind of a you-get-what-you-give world in Blogaritaville and I don’t seem to give much anymore which only makes me feel like a total outsider when I do try to comment now…hence my silence.  I’m usually still out there reading, but I feel like a stranger by commenting.  Anyway, I already talked about all of that and the cliquishness I feel out there not that long ago so I won’t rehash it all. 

Aaahhhh….the memories.  Almost all of them are good.  Even the bad ones have some good memories attached.  The fights with Blog-lebrities, getting thrown off of Blogster for palling around with a crowd of Bad Girls, the Canadian Psycho-tranny, the day that I got over 1,000 hits and the blog practically exploded with visitors reading my post about The Faces of Gay Adoption (still my brightest, shining moment on here), Sooner’s Bar & Grille on Friday afternoons and well into the nights, blogging at Hospice, blogging in North Carolina, blogging – unfortunately – in Ohio…too much to mention.  And all of the people who made it so much fun and seem so worthwhile…Denise, Beth, Babs, JackieSue, Pirate, David, Tina/Pixie and Richard/TeddyPig from the “old days”….Doris, JackieSue (by far my most loyal, biggest fan!), the Richards (CO & WA), Torny Tornwordo, dear retarded Sage, Cameron, Nick in Chicago, the mysterious dbb, my “local” retard Grejetjej, and anyone else I know I’ve left out….I love all of ya’s and wouldn’t have ever been here this long if it hadn’t been for you.  Many have moved on in life, some just completely blew me off and disappeared into the ether, others I’m still in touch with regularly, but ALL of you had an impact.  None moreso than my beloved Roxita though.  The “connection” I felt with you may seem hokey as all hell but I know it was real.  If I were straight, I’d probably be in love with you!  Good thing for both of us that I’m not.  I know I’m letting you down, and I know I’m reneging on my promise to keep going until you quit too but I think  the time is finally right.  You know my email honaye…USE IT!

Alright….as they say, save the drama for ya mama…and I will do just that.  It’s not goodbye, it’s just so-long for now.  Happy New Year to everyone out there and thanks for many years of fun, laughs, boredom and even a few tears.  I’ll miss it all.


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